Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
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