You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
