i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
