Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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