Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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