So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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