OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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