Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
