Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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