if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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