I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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