The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
