i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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