And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
