I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
