Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
