we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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