Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
