fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
