i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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