Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
