Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
