I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
