Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
