we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
