Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
