he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
