guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
