I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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