Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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