hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
