You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize