Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Drake has all the answers
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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