Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
