hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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