lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
