maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
