Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
