I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
