I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
