ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
