6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
