It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
