I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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