did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
