haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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