After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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