do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
