I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
