I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
