I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
