Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
