he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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