The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
do nipples grow back?
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