It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
