Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
