she was so not down for the gang bang
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
