I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
