I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
