im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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