that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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