he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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