On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
