You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Randomize
