Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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