you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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