Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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