someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
