i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
