Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you would pick up someone in the library
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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