We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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