I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
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