So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
